mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
