Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
