I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
