K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
time to smoke my breakfast
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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