We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
