I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
