she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
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you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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