I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
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there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
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you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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