You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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