Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
