I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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