come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
