You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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