Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
