he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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