What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
