i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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