The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize