I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We talked him into tasing himself.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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