I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
