My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize