Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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