i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
