worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
