i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
