I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
