Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I am naked and annoyed.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize