My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
