Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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