Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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