obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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