I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
