I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
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Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
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We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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