How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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