Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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