hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
