Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I lost the right to judge tonight
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
