The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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