his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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