I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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