Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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