she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
