yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
