dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
