You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
