he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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