She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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