youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
