When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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