He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Randomize
