Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
