No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
