I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
