Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
