yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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