Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
