you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
