I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
