This girl is more easily done than said...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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