you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
