if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
