I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My liver just had a heart attack.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway