you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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