Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
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I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
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If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.