Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
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Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
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How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out