i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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