I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.