please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"