you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
