I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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