My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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