Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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