I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
