he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
