LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
