any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
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He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
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Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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