I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
